Sleeping Single - Sleep Divorce
Sleeping Single - Sleep Divorce August 21st, 2025
I was visiting with a friend the other day and mentioned that more and more couples are starting to sleep in their own bed vs sleeping with their spouse. And she was like is that a thing? How did I not know about this? And yes, it is a thing – commonly referred to as “Sleep Divorce” a decision to sleep separately to improve sleep quality and well-being.
Why would a spouse or common law partner decide to move out of the marriage bed? There are a lot of reasons but here are some of the most common ones.
#1. Snoring and sleep disturbances. Loud snoring disrupts one’s sleep immeasurably. Sometimes you can fall asleep to a light snoring – sort of like waves on the ocean. But frequently it is more like a freight train coming through your bedroom. You can lay there and be mad, grab your blankets and go sleep on the couch or make the decision – enough I am moving to my own room with my own bed.
#2. Different sleep schedules. Very common among shift workers. One partner might be a night owl while the other person likes to go sleep around a regular time – an early bird. Someone coming to bed 2 or 3 hours after you have been asleep can be very disturbing. Sometimes you go back to sleep and other times you lay there awake again and can’t go back to sleep. You try counting sheep, breathing deeply in and out (yoga breathing). This may work or once again you have lost your beauty sleep.
#3. Personal space. Maybe you are a “hot” sleeper, and the other person is a cuddler. You are dying from body heat while the person beside you sleeps like a baby. Hot flashes are extremely common for women at certain ages as we all know. And for men who have hormone treatment therapy for cancer may have hot flashes as well. I have a cooling blanket – it helps but not enough most nights.
#4. And of course there are actual health reasons such as sleep apnea, restless leg syndrome or various other medical conditions a person may have. Even having a cold – coughing and blowing one’s nose can be very disruptive for the other person.
And believe it or not sometimes sleeping separately can improve the dynamics in a relationship. Poor sleep does not make a happy camper. A good night’s sleep can lead to a happier and healthier life for everyone in the family.
Historically sleeping in single beds was very common amongst the rich and elite. They could afford two bedrooms. Majority of old history movies will show men and women heading to separate quarters in the evening. (Unless it is a historical romance show!)
We were in Toronto recently and visited Casa Loma located in downtown Toronto, which is now owned by the City of Toronto. Its original owner was Sir Henry Pellatt, a wealth financier in 1914. Both Henry and his wife Mary had separate bedrooms and bathrooms. There is over 68 rooms in this mansion / castle. There is a lot of history attached to Casa Loma – take time to read about it if you enjoy history. Due to hard financial times Henry and his wife only lived in Casa Loma for 10 years.
Sleeping separately is becoming increasingly common among couples. About 25% of couples sleep in their own bedrooms in separate beds. The main reason for this trend is better sleep quality and to accommodate one another’s schedules and sleeping issues.
Why do we need a good night's sleep? Sleep is extremely important for our overall well-being. Sleep is essential for the body to repair itself. It helps in healing and repairing heart and blood vessels, a healthy immune system, and reduces the risk of chronic conditions such as heart disease, diabetes and obesity.
As we age our memory starts to fail. Adequate sleep is important for cognitive functions such as memory, problem solving and decision making. It also plays a significant role in emotional regulation, reducing stress, anxiety and depression.
Finally, it boosts productivity the following day. We can concentrate better, perform daily tasks and activities easier. It improves reaction times, reduces errors and boosts overall efficiency.
Not enough sleep often leads to irritability, moodiness, and trouble in managing your emotions. This may impact both professional and personal relationships.
You are more likely to have an accident when you are not functioning on enough sleep. Falling asleep while driving is something none of us want to experience.
In summary, it is frequently overlooked how essential sleep is to overall well-being. So, if you are a sleep deprived person and still sleeping with someone, maybe it is time to “split the sheets” as the saying goes.
What are some ways to ensure a better sleep? Maintain a consistent sleep schedule (realistically as possible), creating a relaxing bedtime is also very important. Calming activities such as reading, having a warm bath, or doing relaxation exercises such as yoga. They always stress to not watch television or use your electronic devices.
Make sure your bedroom has a comfortable sleep environment. Keep it cool, dark and quiet. Have a good mattress, sheets, pillows and bedding. Remove anything that may distract you from sleep. Blackout curtains are used by many people to keep the room dark in the early summer mornings and at night if you live in the city under lots of streetlamps.
Staying active during the day also helps for a peaceful sleep. Physical activity can help you fall asleep faster and enjoy a deeper sleep. Limit your naps during the day. A big, long nap midafternoon is not a good idea. Essentially, this will result in a significantly later sleep time.
In ending, try incorporating these tips into your routine and you can improve your sleep quality and enjoy the numerous benefits of a good night's sleep.
Now for a song and maybe a dance! Haha – if you have been keeping up with my blogs, I wrote a blog a couple of months ago on “The Art of Dancing”. But we need a song about sleep this time. I considered several options; my initial choice was "Golden Slumber" by The Beatles. However, I ultimately selected "Mr. Sandman," originally recorded by The Chordettes in 1954. It has been covered at least 29 times. My favorite version (I have not heard all 29) is by the Trio: Emmy Lou Harris, Dolly Parton and Linda Ronstadt. A great cover!
Good night and sleep tight – don’t let the bugs bite. But if they do hit them with a shoe until they black and blue. LOL!
And if you have time, I would love it if you subscribed to my YouTube channel: @merleleeannskitchen
Note: Parts of this blog was written with the help of Co-Pilot in Word (AI)
